


Mommy's poison

by Ducklingxkitten



Series: My light in the dark [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Gender Identity, Misgendering, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 12:59:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11714898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ducklingxkitten/pseuds/Ducklingxkitten
Summary: Adrian has to spend the afternoon shopping with his mother, without knowing she was going to break him again.





	Mommy's poison

The rain was falling on the window in big drops and the melody it was making was keeping the young boy company.

Sitting at his desk, Adrian was “studying” for an upcoming chemistry exam, books and copybooks opened in front of him and his Star-Lord mug as well as a box of cookies laid further on the desk, near the wall. Studying was a big word. Adrian actually didn’t need to spend hours and hours reading his lessons and making countless exercises. Moreover, the test wasn’t going to be on something difficult and he knew his lessons by heart, but since his parents were _so_ demanding concerning his marks, Adrian had to _fake_ it in case they would come in.

Biting in his fourth cookie, Adrian threw the manga he was reading on his bed behind him and cursed when he heard it fall on the floor in a thud. He was too lazy to get up and pick it from the floor anyway. Instead, he slumped on his desk sighing deeply making a page tremble and let his gaze watch the rain fall.

Adrian found it funny – even though he had no will to laugh, quite the opposite – how well the weather was matching his mood. When was the last time he had seen a sunny sky? When was the last time he had had a genuine smile on his lips? He was so tired of telling everyone he was fine, just _tired_. Tired because of high school. Tired because of the weather. Tired of everything his parents – especially his mother – were putting him through. Tired of having to hide who he truly was. He couldn’t tell them, couldn’t tell what was hurting him. They wouldn’t accept him how he was. _We are an open-minded family, but I would better like to not have someone like that in mine._ How many times had he had to hear them say something so disgusting and not even feel angry? Now when they were saying this among other nice words, Adrian would feel hurt and sad.

A little more than a year had passed since the day he had been able to put a name on his “problem”. Who would have thought he would one day become one of these _deranged_ people? An abjection, that’s what he was. No matter how hard he was trying, Adrian still had huge troubles to accept himself. He couldn’t stop worrying about the day he would come out, about their reactions and what could happen to him. Unfortunately, he had no one to talk to, no one to ask for advices, no one who would tell him what to do. For now, the internet had been his only solution and where to find answers. Right or wrong.

Three light knocks on the door made him quickly sit back correctly on his chair.

“Cassie, can I come in?”

“Sure,” He answered to his mother and took a pencil between his fingers, ready to fake studying again at the same time his mother opened the door.

Adrian’s mother was a tall and lean woman with wavy long brown hair and blue eyes. She had a bright smile, but that smile was hiding how strict and mean she could be. She appeared as a responsible and loving mother always dressed neatly, but deep down Adrian knew how much it only was a mask. His mother was far from being the nice woman the neighbours and friends of the family knew.

“You are still studying?” She asked him, sitting on the ledge of the window.

“I’m almost over, just a few more exercises.”

“Take a break Cassie. You have been in your room for hours.”

“I have to finish this first.”

“No,” She said, closing the chemistry book. “We have to talk honey.”

“About?”

“Is something wrong?”

“Everything’s fine mom, why are you asking?”

“We have noticed, your father and I, that you are spending less time with us. You are always locked in your room, you look stressed and even depressed.”

“I’m fine mom. It’s just that test. It’s a really important one and I don’t want to fail it.”

“You won’t fail Cassie. You are working hard and have the best marks. Our family doesn’t know what failure is, it won’t start with you,” She said, caressing his curly blond hair. “Now go put other clothes, I will be waiting downstairs. You have twenty minutes.”

“For?” Adrian asked, already not liking where this would end.

“Shopping! Going outside won’t hurt you and I am fed up of seeing you in your oversized t-shirts and jeans. Get ready now sweetie.”

There was a reason why Adrian was wearing oversized clothes, a reason he couldn’t tell his mother and father. Not yet. He couldn’t risk being thrown out onto the streets when he had nowhere else to go, nowhere else safe. It wasn’t healthy, but for the moment Adrian had no other choice than stay with them and keep on pretending he was their perfect daughter. Even though it was slowly killing him.

* * *

In the car, Adrian was barely listening to what his mother was saying, looking instead through the window at the rain still falling. He had no will at all to spend time with her especially if they were going to do some window-shopping. Who knows how many hours he would have to hear her disapprove his choices in clothes? How many times would he have to hear her complain about his wardrobe lacking colours like pink or even pastel yellow? Adrian didn’t like these kind of colours and he was happy enough with red, black, purple and silver. Pink was a girly colour anyway. Or so he thought.

“What do you want to look for first? Shoes? Or dresses?” She asked as she was parking in the mall’s parking lot.

“I don’t care mom. What do _you_ want?”

“Seriously Cassandra,” She sighed, trying to not let her anger overwhelm her. “You could make an effort.”

“ _I am_!”

“No. You have been sulking since the moment you went in that car.” She sighed again, a hand on her forehead trying to keep calm. “I thought I was doing something good. I thought it would change your mind to spend time outside with me. I thought a mother-daughter afternoon would make us closer, but it seems everything I do for you is pissing you off!”

“Oh mom please. Stop.”

“What have I done to you? You know you can tell me everything honey.”

“Mom, I’m sorry if I hurt you in some way. I’m just stressed and tired because of school. I’m really sorry if you thought you did something wrong.” Was he really sorry? No, but he knew it was what his mother wanted to hear. “Can we go now?”

“Sure!” Her face was beaming again, she got what she wanted.

The first hour and a half went pretty well for Adrian as they had only been looking for clothes for his mother. She had ended up buying two straight skirts, one dark blue and the other white, a white shirt with fine black vertical lines, a pair of tights as well as a new handbag and a beige hat for this summer. In the last shop for herself, his mother had had her eyes on a splendid ruby dress split on its right side, but had declared she would buy it another day because now it was time for Adrian to refresh his wardrobe.

“What about this one?” She asked him, showing a long pleated chiffon skirt which colour – salmon pink – was burning Adrian’s eyes.

“It’s ugly mom.”

“You think so? I like it, too bad they don’t have my size anymore… And in another colour?”

“No.”

“Cassandra,” She started, taking another skirt in her hands, shorter this time. “It has been half an hour and you still haven’t chosen something.”

“Is it my fault now if I find everything ugly?” He asked, crossing his arms on his chest, barely looking at his mother.

“Oh please Cassandra make an effort! There are cute clothes in there, pick a few and go try them.”

“But–”

“All I wanted was to spend an afternoon with my daughter and share things like every mothers and daughters do,” She said, her voice low so that none of the customers around them would hear her. “But you’re once again making things complicated. Now dear, pick an outfit.”

Adrian was about to tell her how she was exaggerating things again, but decided to shut up when he saw her icy blue eyes shooting angry looks. It was no use to try to defend himself, she would always have the last word. How could he explain her the reason why he had no will to try dresses or skirts or just girly clothes without making a scene in the middle of the shop? He couldn’t tell her, not now. Not with so many witnesses.

Adrian was resigned to accept the outfit his mother had picked for him since he wasn’t decided to move, and walked to the fitting rooms, his mother following close. There, he slowly took his clothes off doing everything he could to not look at his reflection, and after a long while during which he had looked at the outfit with a sad and pained expression, dressed himself.

It was a simple outfit for his mother. For Adrian it was a real torture.

“It suits you so well darling,” His mother’s voice made him look in front of him as she pulled the curtain aside. “You’re beautiful, look at yourself!”

Adrian had wished to say something back, but he couldn’t. He had hoped he wouldn’t let her hands made him turn around, but he couldn’t. He wanted to avoid looking at his own reflection. _He couldn’t_. He was feeling nauseous. Just looking at the girl in front of him was making him sick. He could see everything. He could see how wide his hips were. He could see how big his thighs uncovered by the shorts were. He could see his waist and the curves of his breast under that tank top which was revealing his bra on the sides. He could clearly see the tears in his eyes and was wondering how his mother was doing to not notice them. Adrian wasn’t feeling well. This reflection wasn’t his. This girl looking at him with the same brown eyes wasn’t him.

“What do you think?”

“I don’t feel comfortable wearing that mom,” Adrian said, wrapping his arms around himself.

“And what do you want to wear then? Your baggy pants and oversized t-shirts? Look at yourself Cassandra,” She made him raise his head and forced him to look at his own reflection. “You have never been that beautiful before. I can finally recognize my daughter.”

“Can I pick something else?” His voice was trembling.

“No. It’s this one and nothing else.”

“Mom...”

“You will get use to wearing them. Hopefully you will find a boyfriend now.” She looked at him through the mirror. Her eyes were full of reproach. “Soon eighteen and you have never brought a boy at home. Change now, I'll be waiting for you at the checkout.”

When he was sure she wasn’t behind the curtain anymore, Adrian slid to the floor and let his tears fall silently on his cheeks. His mother knew which words to use to hurt him. She was doing this a lot lately and Adrian didn’t know how long he would be able to bear it.

He had thought trying an outfit she’d picked for him would be the only thing he would have to do for her. Adrian had never thought she would hand him a red and black bra and panties set.

His teeth on his wrist, Adrian did everything possible to keep his screams in his throat.


End file.
